Vagabond
by only here in your arms
Summary: Having lived his entire life in a lie, a lost Eli Goldsworthy is being given clues to find the truth. But with the new information and a girl who seems to be the key to everything, the search for truth may lead to dangerous outcomes.
1. Prologue

**My creative juices have been flowing and I needed to get this out. It'll be something I've never ever ever done before and it might be a total fail but I couldn't just let it sit in my head so here it is. Please review and tell me if you'd like to see more.**

**Also starting a playlist with this! Pay attention to the titles!**

**Welcome to **_**Vagabond (Wolfmother)**_

_**Prologue – There Goes the Fear (Doves)**_

I was told this for a reason.

I could've lived my entire life not knowing.

But someone wanted me to know.

Living a lie for seventeen years would've been okay. Hell, living it my entire life with this lie would've been okay.

Right now, I wish I didn't know.

Because she was in danger. I forgive her for everything. What she did…I still forgive her.

I was driving around a neighborhood I didn't know, in a car that wasn't mine, but that wasn't even what I cared about. I had to find Clare.

_1_

_5_

_7_

I couldn't focus on that anymore. I didn't notice, it was too late, because now Clare was missing.

"_No…we're not."_

"_How could you not tell me?"_

For the past few months, I was given envelopes. I was given directions. I was given evidence.

But most of all, I was given Clare. Whoever this was that was leading me to this chase, and led me to the truth, they gave me Clare. She is worth everything. She _is_ everything. How we came together sparked from someone obviously wanting me to know the truth. But it doesn't matter how we met. I fell in love with her and knowing that she wasn't safe, it kills me.

That kills me more than knowing that I could be killed trying to save her.

"_Think I'm doing the right thing?"_

"_Take a leap of faith, Eli._"

Taking leaps of faith. Look where that got me.

"_I may have lied, but look at you now."_

I tried to shake that memory. It didn't matter. They didn't matter. I don't care that I grew up with parents who weren't mine. I don't care who my real parents are because now…

Clare is what matters.

"_I'm so sorry."_

"_Why do I believe you?"_

Because we fell in love when we shouldn't have, when I was searching for myself and she was there to help me, because she's Clare Edwards and I'm…I don't even know who I really am.

"_Find her. If you can."_

Eli vowed to. And nothing would stop him.


	2. Chapter 1

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm glad you're all intrigued! Tell me if you have any predictions at the end of this chapter. I'd really appreciate it if you tell me what you do or don't like in this story but I'm just glad you're reading. :)**

**Oh and what'd you think of week 2? I was mindfucked by the end. Zane needs happiness and Elimogen can gtfo. Plus I ship Cake. Never thought I would but I'm good with Cake now.**

**Thanks for reading and please review!**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter One – When You Were Young (The Killers)<strong>_

I woke up with a slight hangover.

I went to a party last night with Adam, which he described to me as _the_ place to be last night, and yeah, I guess it was. Everyone I knew at Degrassi was there. It was the house of some girl named Imogen. Adam mentioned to me that Imogen invited him just so he'd bring me, therefore she'd see me, but I thought that was ridiculous. If she wanted to see me, she should've just invited me herself.

But it was still cool. I didn't really want to drink much but Adam pressured me to. That asshole.

I put on a Dead Hand shirt, changed my pants, and grabbed my stuff. While I headed to my hearse, I realized that I forgot to finish my English assignment due today. Of course. The one class I'm actually good at and I'm jeopardizing my grade since this assignment was assigned a month ago. Maybe I'll skip.

When I got to school, I saw Adam just getting off the bus. I feel lucky that I have a car and a license. Can't imagine having to be on the bus' schedule on when I get to school.

"Adam, did you do that English assignment?" I asked him.

He was carrying a granola bar and chewing. Typical.

"Yeah," he said with his mouth full. "Finished it a while ago. You?"

"Forgot," I admitted. "Think she'd give me an extension?"

By the look on Adam's face, I knew I asked a ridiculous question. Ms. Dawes was awesome but she hated late work, no matter the student. And she loved me, so…

"I'll just skip, work on it then," I said. Our lockers were right next to each other, which was weird since he was a grade lower than me, but it was awesome.

"Do you really think it would be a good idea?" Adam, trying to be reasonable.

"I'll fake sick before then," I shrugged. "Cece can write a note for me saying I had to go home and I'll give it to Dawes tomorrow."

"Cece's too cool to be your mom," Adam told me. It was true. She was pretty awesome.

"You say that only because she feeds you anything you want when you're at my house."

The bell rang and we parted ways. I had math, which I hated, by Armstrong was tolerable. I sat in my seat and brought out what I had for my English short story. I had a page of what had to be ten. Ms. Dawes told us to write about something we question and I decided to write about the existence of true love.

But I only have one page. My mind has so many ideas but I can't make myself write the next nine.

Armstrong started class but I kept my paper out. I stared at it hard, flipping my pen back and forth, but then I felt someone looking at me. I turned my head and saw some brown haired guy in plaid giving me some kind of look. I narrowed my eyes at him a little and he turned away.

What was his name? Jack? Jake?

Whatever. Don't really care.

The next classes breezed by and then I was sitting at lunch in the studio with Adam, listening to the song he and Dave just started playing. I sat at a corner with my notebook in my lap, still trying to finish the assignment. I was on page four now and it wasn't my best but it meant that I could turn it in if I finished in time.

That skipping plan was all too appealing though.

"How's it going?" Adam asked.

"Not well," I admitted angrily. "I can't…think."

"What are you writing about?"

Adam knows about my bad luck with relationships but he has always said never to lose hope. I can't help it though. True love doesn't seem to exist for me. "Love," I answered and then heard Dave mock me.

"Sorry bro but really?"

"Yes _bro_," I mocked back. "The prompt is to write about something I question and that's what I question."

"You seem really opinionated about it, why can't you write it?" Good question Dave. I was asking myself the same thing.

"Guess I can't translate my thoughts into comprehensible words," I told him. "Fuck. What should I do? Fake a stomach ache? Headache?"

"Broken leg?"

"Funny Turner."

"I think a headache would work, you know. Your eyes are still baggy and that hangover of yours looks like it's still there," Adam pointed out. "Claim that you feel really sick and might throw up and that's gold."

"And that is why you're my best friend!" Adam had the best ideas. I knew he hated helping me with my ridiculous plans that would get me in trouble but he was always there. He was like my brother, I pretty much consider him my blood.

I left the studio before the lunch bell rang and ran to my locker, putting my books in there. After closing the door, I went straight to the bathroom and splashed hot water on my face, trying to make it look red. More believable? I stayed in the bathroom until I heard the next class bell and I made sure no one was in the hallway before I left the bathroom.

I headed towards my locker again and when I turned a corner, I crashed into someone, making their things fall to the ground.

"Today is not my day," they joked and I realized I had bumped into Clare Edwards. I helped her gather her things and once we both stood up, she thanked me.

"No problem," I answered. She was in my English class, the class I needed to skip. Crap.

"Where were you heading? The class is that way," she pointed down a hallway.

"Uh…"

"You didn't finish the assignment," Clare accused. I don't know her very well but she's good at guessing.

"Yeah," I admitted sheepishly. "I thought I'd fake sick, go home."

"Well I never saw you so…" she floated around me and waved as she walked away. "Feel better."

That girl. Her reputation is correct. She really is a saint.

I went to my locker again, wondering if I should have my backpack with me or if that would seem too peculiar, but when I opened it, there was a big envelope over my bag. I took it out, glanced down the hallways, and read what it said on the envelope.

**read when alone**

I was alone in the hallway so I took out whatever was in there and the first paper was a blank one except for a sentence.

**your life has been a lie**

I moved on to the next page, shocked at what I had read, and I realized it wasn't just a normal page. It was some kind of old looking certificate but it must've been copied since the paper itself wasn't very old. I scanned the page and what I found shocked me.

It was mine. My birth certificate.

It was my birthday, my description as a baby, but my name wasn't **my** name.

_Elijah Grant Pierce._

The name for the mother was blurred out intentionally but I could read the father's name clearly.

_Grant Pierce._

Who the hell is Grant Pierce? Is this actually my birth certificate? Are Bullfrog and Cece not really my parents?

I went to the next, last page and read what it said in the center.

**157 Clayton Lane**

**Ask at Reception**

**Encyclopedia 1993**

That was the local library and 1993 is my birth year. But why should I look through my birth year? Why at this library?

Have I been living with people that aren't related to me at all? Have I been living this lie for the past 17 years, completely unaware of what could be the truth? Who was this trying to tell me the truth and why did I need to know?

I steadied myself by putting a hand on the lockers but it was no use. My mind was spinning and I felt sick to my stomach.

My plan to fake sick didn't pan out the way I did. Because I actually got sick and threw up in the hallway.


	3. Chapter 2

**I'm very glad that I'm intriguing all of you! Thank you for the reviews, they're really amazing! Maybe this answers some questions but I'm pretty sure it'll create more. :P**

**I don't know about you but I LOVED week 3. I miss Connor already and I really do enjoy Cake. Also, Anya water you doing? And Drew and MMA – approve.**

**Enjoy! Please review and thank you for reading!**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter Two – Fear of Flying (A Rocket to the Moon)<strong>_

Cece picked me up and Bullfrog had to drive Morty home. My stomach and my mind were in too much pain to tell them what I was just told. But once we got in the house, I sat in the living room and they looked at me with concern.

I finally got to have a good look at both of them. Both of them had light hair and yet, here I was, with extremely dark hair. Both of them were pretty tall and I stood at less than average height. They have blue eyes and I have green. That doesn't necessarily mean anything but still.

I look nothing like either of them and I've questioned this before. Why didn't I have any of my parents' traits? But now, if what I was given is actually true, it makes sense.

"Am I adopted?" I bluntly asked.

Cece's expression looked so broken. "Why—"

"I…I've been thinking about it, more than usual, and I don't look anything like you guys and I just thought that maybe I was." I decided not to tell them that some random person just gave me the biggest shock of my life. They would want to figure out who it was and I didn't want them to. I'd do it myself.

"If you stopped wearing eyeliner maybe you'd look like me." I would've laughed at Bullfrog's joke but I was being serious.

"Just tell me the truth, please. I love you both and if you're not my real parents, that doesn't change that I still love you guys but just be honest with me. Am I adopted? Are you my real parents?"

"No we're not," Cece finally says but with obvious difficulty.

"How could you not tell me?" I ask.

They finally tell me the story. Cece was unable to conceive naturally and they decided to just adopt. When they first saw me, apparently I was extremely skinny for a baby and Bullfrog said that their hearts broke and knew that I was meant for them. I was two at the time. The adoption center said they weren't given any records of my birth at all. They only knew my name and date of birth. _Elijah Grant Pierce, born October 9, 1993._

Even without records or any acknowledgement of the medical history of my real family, they still gave me a home.

I was grateful for them, really I was. I don't think any sane person would just adopt a child with no history but they did.

I gave Cece a long hug and I felt her tears on my shoulder. "Were you guys ever going to tell me?"

"No," Bullfrog replied. I appreciated the honesty.

I just nodded and grabbed my things. I headed upstairs and plopped down on my bed, reliving the last hour. So I wasn't an actual Goldsworthy. This guy named Grant Pierce was actually my dad. And someone was leading me somewhere, having given me an address and directions.

Should I go? When? But I didn't get a chance to think more of it because in a few minutes, I fell asleep.

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><p>I walk into the library, 157 Clayton Lane, and I feel cold. Even with my leather jacket, it was still freezing. Why the hell do they keep libraries so cold? So books won't melt? I shake my head, getting rid of the ridiculous thoughts in my mind, and I walk up to the reception table as the directions said. Normally I probably would've approached the checkout but the paper said to ask at reception and here I am, but no one is at their seat.<p>

I wait a few minutes and get restless. I try to read the pamphlets at the counter but they're all about book clubs or donating books. I think about trying again another day and turned to leave until someone finally came.

"Sorry, this one kid just _had_ to jam up the drop-off."

Oh, I didn't realize Clare Edwards worked here. Maybe because I barely speak to her and I never come in here other than one time in the summer.

"I thought you were sick," she teased me and I rolled my eyes.

"I actually…I actually did get sick but I'm fine," I smile weakly. "I need some help."

"Well you've come to the right place. Shoot."

Clare was a breath of fresh air. Even if I didn't speak to her much, I knew she was someone who could pretty much brighten someone's day. She and Adam are good friends and I'd think that Adam had a crush on her if he wasn't so caught up on this girl named Katie. But Clare always seemed to be smiling. It was nice to see.

"Uh…where are the encyclopedias?" I ask awkwardly. I knew this must've been a really weird situation and the way I was acting and saying my words was probably not helping at all.

"What are you looking up?" she asked me.

"My birth year," I tell her. "1993."

Clare raised a brow at me and I automatically feel stupid. She was looking at me like I said something dumb and now I feel self conscious. Did she have this effect on everyone? I know she's smart and all but can one look from her actually make you feel like you're an idiot?

"You must be wanting to look at archives, which are over there in that room," Clare pointed somewhere. "But if you're really looking for encyclopedias, they're down the back aisles. I can't see encyclopedias being helpful to you finding things about 93 but…I guess try both?"

Oh. She was just thinking of suggesting something else. Now I actually do feel stupid for reading so much into just one look from her. I've never experienced that. I'm usually really sure of myself and now just one look from Clare and my mind races of possibilities of how I'm wrong.

"Thanks," I quickly mutter and I walk away from her as fast as possible, heading towards the encyclopedias. I figure I'd start there, like the note said, and I start browsing through, realizing that these books don't go by date but by subject.

Wow, I feel stupid. Pretty sure I knew this years ago.

I head towards the archives, passing the reception on the way, and I could see Clare smiling to herself. Was it because she saw me passing by and realized that she was right or was she reading something amusing? I almost run into a sign on the way and I swear I heard her snickering.

I walk into the room and it was just a compact room of metal bookshelves with thick, heavy looking books, packing the bookshelves to the brim. I look at the spines of the book, realizing these were sorted out by decades and volumes of the decades, and I find 1993. There were three books for this year and I grab them all. As I leave the room, I saw the sign saying these couldn't be checked out so annoyed, I sat down at a table and grabbed the first volume.

What was I supposed to look for? The books were filled with newspaper articles and I don't even know where to start. I can't just stay here all day reading all the articles, trying to find whatever it is that this person is trying to tell me. What am I supposed to do?

Annoyed, I go up to Clare again and she's reading something. "Sorry to bother you but I need to ask for a favor."

She puts up her finger telling me to wait and I lean over the counter, trying to see what she was reading.

_Regrets by Eden Richardson_

"Ask away," she looks up finally and puts aside the book.

I sigh, thinking that maybe this was a stupid idea to confide in Clare. I wasn't going to tell her everything but I was desperate for help and since whoever that person is led me here, I should probably ask for help here.

"I was told to look through my birth year," I begin and I already feel stupid. "But I don't know where to start."

She gives me that 'are you crazy?' look again. "Why would someone tell you to look up your birth year and not tell you what to look for?"

I think about everything else I read in that envelope. It told me to come here and ask at reception about 1993. It told me I wasn't my parents' child. It told me my real name. It told me my father's name.

I had to look for my father.

"I…I think I know what to look for now," I say without looking at her. "I just don't know where to start."

"This is really cryptic," she comments and leans back in her chair.

"I know. Thanks for the help though." I walk back to the table and I flip through the first book. There were a lot of articles about big scandals but there wasn't anything that caught my eye that would make me think that it would be what I needed to see.

_Elijah Grant Pierce, October 9, 1993_

_Grant Pierce_

I quickly went to the last book, which held September through December and I rush through October. I finally see the ninth and I read every article, searching for Grant Pierce's name. It wasn't until I was at the last article that I found something.

It was a post-it attached to it. It said "_December 4, 1993_"

I flip to December and read the titles of the articles of December 4 and one caught my attention.

_Airplane Crash Near Toronto Kill 22, 2 Survivors_

I read the article and see that it was a tragic accident, the cause unknown, but there were only two survivors. Harley Richardson and Omar Torres.

_Omar Torres_.

Adam's dad. Holy shit.

The list of those killed was included as well. And Grant Pierce was in the list.

My biological father is dead.

I want to throw up all over again but I can't. That would be the most embarrassing moment in my life if I just threw up in the library, especially with someone from school right there. I take pictures of the article with my phone and put back the books in the archive room. I rush out of the library, hearing Clare's concerned calls behind me, but I take a deep breath in the cold air.

Whoever this was, they were obviously there before me if they left a note for me in the book. Why did I need to know about my father, about his death? So my father was dead. I guess I felt weird about the fact that he was actually dead, but… I didn't know him and he possibly didn't even know about me. This was two months after I was born. Could it be the reason why I was left to be adopted?

I drive home and by this time it's already 7 and I just head to my room. I pass by my parents on the way and they look concerned but I just smile at them the best I could and I lock myself in my room and plop down in bed.

This was…too long of a day. Find out I'm adopted, find out that my actual father is dead, find out that in the crash that killed him, Adam's dad was there too. What the fuck is going on? Who is leading me to all of this? And why? All I really want to know now is why.


	4. Chapter 3

**Hope you enjoy this chapter! Things start getting weird and Eli and Clare…people seem to find her a good topic to talk about with Eli.**

**We're in Week 6 of Now or Never! Ah, so sad. :(**

**Twitter: hereinyourarms_**

**Tumblr: onlyhereinyourarms**

**Thanks for reading! Please review!**

**NOTE: It WAS a plane crash. Typo in an earlier draft of this, now replaced. That's what I get for writing near midnight.**

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><p>The following morning, after finishing that English assignment I skipped, I lazily got ready for school. First official day of knowing who I was but not really.<p>

Eli Pierce.

Sounds like a rich kid, that's what it sounds like.

I was raised a Goldsworthy and that's all I'll be known as.

I got to school in Morty and walked silently to my locker. Before opening the door, I hesitated. The last time I did this I got the shock of a lifetime. I don't even know who or how someone got into this locker. I slowly opened the door and looked around, checking the bottom and top compartment and found nothing. I felt relieved. I can't handle any more of this for a while.

"Looking for lost treasure or something?" Adam came up beside me with a big smile on his face.

_Two emerged from the crash alive; Harley Richardson, 18, and Omar Torres, 23._

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" I didn't realize Adam was waving a hand in my face until I finally snapped back to reality. Adam's dad was involved in the plane crash that killed my biological father. He probably had no idea, Mr. Torres probably had no idea, and I certainly wasn't gonna ask them about it. At least…not right now.

"Nothing," I shook my head and put my stuff in the locker.

"No seriously, what's going on? Clare said you went home sick yesterday."

I shut my locker and looked at him. "She did?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Well, she said she hadn't seen you in the hallway when she came in late but we were paired up for a writing assignment and she said you went home sick and that she lied to Dawes."

"So why'd she tell you though?" I was seriously curious.

"I don't know, guess she had to be honest with someone," Adam replied. I saw him turn his head to something behind me and he then turned his head down and started laughing. "Imogen's coming right behind you."

"Great," I muttered under my breath. Imogen wasn't a bad person but she seemed…intense. She knows stuff about me that she shouldn't. Like my boxer size, what Adam and I did last weekend, how much gas I put into Morty in my most recent trip. It's weird but she's kinda cute, so it's half tolerable.

"Hi Eli," Imogen said excitedly. "I didn't see you after your English class yesterday."

Oh, so she has no idea what I was doing or that I went to the library?

"I saw Morty parked at the public library though," she continued and I nodded forcefully. She did know. "I wanted to go inside but that's the library Clare Edwards works at and—"

"Wait," I stopped her right there. "You have a problem with Clare?"

Imogen looked like she was panicking. "No, no, not at all."

"But you said—"

"I'll see you Eli Goldsworthy," and she skirted around me, hurrying away. I turned around and watched her leave quickly and then saw Adam holding in a laugh.

"What?" I asked him and we started heading towards our first classes.

"That girl stalks you and loves you, probably has a shrine to you in her closet, no wait- her entire room is probably a shine of you!" I pushed Adam away from me as he continued to laugh. This was too amusing for him. When Imogen first introduced herself to me, she had said that I spent most of my weekends starting with a coffee from The Dot. It was true. Since then, Adam could not let it go.

"So she has some kind of beef with Clare, eh?" Adam said once he finally stopped laughing. "Can't see why. Girl's a saint."

"She is," I agreed, thinking about yesterday and her gracious help. I didn't realize Adam stopped walking beside me until I got to a door in the hallway and he was standing a few feet away with a raised brow.

"Did something happen between you two that I should know about? You've barely spoken ten words to her," Adam said confused.

It was times like these when I questioned Adam's feelings for Clare. Before he met Katie, he would talk about Clare nonstop. Would always repeat that they were only friends but nonetheless, he spoke about her. Then he met Katie and now she is the one he talks about and I know he has feelings for Katie.

"Nothing Adam," I assured him. "She did cover for me so…"

"Right, right," he nodded his head. "Sorry, it's just…she's a good friend. Didn't think we'd have a common friend in her is all."

Now it was my turn to cock my eyebrows. "What do you mean by that?"

The bell rang and Adam looked relieve, thinking now he didn't have to explain himself. But he will. I'd track him down if I had to. Did he really not like the fact that Clare happened to talk to me? Did he like her that much?

He didn't even say anything as he left. He just awkwardly waved away and walked down the hall and I lazily made my way into mine.

That plaid wearing guy was in my class looking at me again and while the teacher had his back turned, I got his attention.

"What's your name?" I whispered to him and he looked nervous. I never made myself out to be intimidating and for some reason, I am to others. Sometimes worked to my advantage. A lot of the times it's just fucking annoying.

"Jake," he answered.

"Well stop staring at me _Jake_, pretty sure the girls would start wondering if they have less of a chance with you with all the staring you do," I tell him sarcastically. He rolled his eyes though.

"Just wondering what makes Clare talk about you," he retorted in a whisper.

Jeez, Clare has come up in 3 discussions already today and it's only first period.

"She talks about—"

The bell rang and Jake walked out of the room before I could ask more questions. I walked to my next class and breezed by the classes until lunch came by. I tried finding Adam in the cafeteria and realized he had to work the radio, making it impossible for me to have a conversation with him without getting interrupted. So I drove myself to The Dot and sat at the counter, grabbing a menu. Before I could open it, someone called my name.

"Eli, hey!"

Sav Bhandari, the president of the school himself, greeted me smiling. He was always such a easy going guy. Plus, he took Adam and I to the Dead Hand reunion show and got into a ton of trouble with his folks. To stay that we owed him is a huge understatement.

"What's up?" I asked. He looked busy but also happy to talk.

"Oh you know, last minute student council things," he said and I nodded. "Planning the last few events before graduation and prom."

"Wow, lots to handle but you're almost done with Degrassi, enjoy it," I tell him. He replied with a thanks and headed out. I opened my menu to order and something fell in my lap.

I quickly hid it in the menu and read what it said.

_here's your mother's name. find her._

_her name is a garden, opened the gates to water, and what you are._

I flipped the note over, hoping to find any other clue to add onto this cryptic message once again, and find none. Those were the only words and I pocketed it before anyone else noticed. I couldn't stay and wait for food there, I drove back to Degrassi and barged into Adam's studio, keeping as quiet as possible as he and Dave talked into their mics.

I paced back and forth and waited, barely even paying attention to what they were saying, until I noticed the "On Air" sign was no longer on. I brought Adam out of the studio almost forcefully.

"What's up with you?" he demanded to know. "You seem like you saw a ghost."

"I might as well have," I tell him.

His face turns into a different expression. "Look, if you're mad about the whole Clare thing—"

"I'm not."

"—It's just that…she's a sweet girl, Eli. She's too much of a people pleaser to even remotely deny someone so I was just…looking out for her. You're not that good at keeping friends with girls and Clare is so friendly that—"

"Wait," I held my hand up to stop his rambling. "I'm not good at keeping friends with girls? Since when?"

"Since you know when. When that happened, all of a sudden you'd take girls out, make out with them or do a little more, then you'd just drop them," Adam told me and my face dropped. "You're kind of a player, man. Clare, like everyone else, I fear, will fall into that trap and I can't bear to see her get hurt."

"I can't believe you just called me a player," I reply in disbelief. "Last time I went on a date was a month ago."

"Yeah, and the night before that you were making out with that Marisol girl."

"Who?" I asked. Can't put the name with a face.

"Exactly!" he pointed at me. "You'll just lead Clare on and boom, she'll get all disappointed and I hate seeing her upset."

"When has she ever been upset?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"You will never know," he slightly glared. "She's fragile, Eli. I'm only looking out for her."

"And by looking out for her, you just insult me," I comment. "Just admit it Adam. You have feelings for her or you _had_. You used to deny it but it's clear to me that you're just so hopelessly in love with the girl who you made to be your best friend and that's how she'll only see you!"

Adam looked extremely hurt and I knew I must've hit a nerve. He was always so quick to brush off my jokes about his feelings for Clare but the look on his face made me think…maybe it really was true. Did Clare reject him?

He looked down to his shoes for a moment then looked back up. "Did you think that me trying to keep you away from Clare could've been me trying to protect you from getting hurt?"

"And how could she hurt me?" I asked.

"By making you fall in love with her," he leaned closer and said sadly. "She was just my friend and I was only her friend but man did I fall for her."

"You never told me this…" I felt sorry for him. He had a hurt look in his eyes.

"You only wrote it off as a joke so I did too. Look, she doesn't do it intentionally I'm positive but when you get to know her, it's hard not to think that way.

"Adam, the show," Dave warned at the door. Adam nodded and turned back to me.

"Go, finish the show, I'll talk to you later," I tell him and he slumps back into the studio and I walked out of the cafeteria.

I momentarily forgot the reason I went in there to talk to Adam. I wanted to tell him about what I found in that menu but it seemed that he probably couldn't understand or make this situation entirely too James Bond for my liking. I just needed to get to the bottom of this, not play some kind of spy or detective.

I walked past the MI room and gazed inside, seeing Clare at a computer typing profusely. Did she ever stop working?

I realized that she was the only person who knew just the slightest bit of information. She knew I was looking for information about my birth year and was obviously someone I could trust when she covered for me. I had to get someone else's help since I sure as hell can't decipher this message at all that could tell me who my mom was.

Clare raised an apple to her lips and ate from it and only she could make a normal action look sweet. God, maybe Adam was right. Clare has that effect and it was definitely not intentional.

Before I knew it I was walking inside and stood beside Clare at her computer.

"Yes?" she asked, looking up at me.

"I need some help," I told her and she set down the pencil that was tucked behind her ear.

"English?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Uh…it's actually a serious thing."

"And you want _me _to help you?" she pointed to herself.

"Yes," I nod. "But there's something we need to agree on before I tell you what I need help with. Well, actually two things."

"I'm guessing one of the things is to keep this a secret?"

I smirked. "Yes. Do you know the second?"

"Nope, tell me."

"Just…let's just keep this professional, yeah?" I said unsurely. "No feelings get in the way, no personal things from either of us."

"You're making this sound like some kind of life changing thing that could make us fall into each other's arms for support or something," she said.

"And that's why this has to be professional. I need help finding things out and you working at the library and being the smartest person I know, I think you're the best person to help. So, with all the terms dealt out, what do you say?"

I held out my hand to her to shake and she eyed it and looked back up at me. Then she smiled. "Did you wash your hands? I'd hate to get sick in the midst of all of this information gathering."

"Just shake my damn hand, Edwards."


	5. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the wait but I'm updating this along with In the Sun at the same time! Double update! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Please continue to tell me what you think! Completely missed the chapter title of the third chapter...maybe I'll change that...eventually.**

**Things are getting a lot different here. Thanks for reading and please review!**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter Four – Super Bass (Nicki Minaj)<strong>_

"So you're saying that…someone is trying to lead you to your mom?"

"And probably more than that."

"So do you want me to help you find your mom or find out who this is?"

"I guess both."

We were in my bedroom, and I showed Clare every note I got. The one from my locker, the one from The Dot, and flipped out my phone to show her the pictures of the articles.

"This is surreal," she said breathlessly. "When people find out their adopted, it doesn't usually follow up with a mystery case."

"Yeah well I've never been normal," I leaned back on my bed and put my hands behind my head.

"And you're taking this extremely well, you know," she noted. "No sadness, no surprised emotions…"

"Pretty sure throwing up in the hallway counts as surprised emotions but after that, I don't see a reason to be upset or sad about the situation. So I'm adopted. That explains why I don't look anything like my parents. This other stuff, sure it's fucking confusing but—"

I saw Clare wince a bit. "Oh, sorry," I apologized. "I guess I should watch my mouth."

Clare looked at me with a curious look and I wonder what I did wrong. "Do you really think that cursing actually bothers me? We go to Degrassi. People curse in every sentence."

I laugh, knowing it's pretty much true. "Okay, okay. So now that you know everything, I'm gonna need help deciphering this note," I said, referring to the most recent one. "I don't have a clue at all what it could mean. Garden, gates to water, what I am? That can mean anything."

"And if we figure it out, we know the name of your mother?" Clare asked. She crossed her legs under her as she sat beside me on my bed. I thought she'd feel uncomfortable sitting on my bed, thinking she probably hasn't even been in a bed with a guy. But that was just it. I didn't know that much about her. Maybe this would give me the opportunity to figure her out.

I nod, answering her question, and she sighs. "Well a garden…but also a feminine name…"

"Can I ask you a question?" I ask her out of nowhere.

"Sure," she replied as she looked at the note.

"Do you…well, wait, I'm just gonna blurt this out. Are you dating anyone?"

Why? Why am I asking her this? I don't even like her but why?

"No," Clare answers and it's clear that she's sincere. "I…I don't date."

"What do you mean you don't date? Like, you're not allowed?"

The look on her face makes me think that I guessed right. "Oh…" I said slowly. "Sorry."

"What makes you think that I'm sorry about it? Maybe it was my choice?" Clare brought up and I hadn't thought of it that way. "Or maybe because there hasn't been a guy that I've thought of as more than a friend."

"Or maybe it's because you're afraid?"

She scoffs and I smirk at the innocence of it. "What would I be afraid of?"

"I don't know, maybe that someone might feel the same way," I shrugged. "And that scares you."

"You think you have me all figured out," Clare said.

"No, I don't, which is why I'm asking questions."

"What happened to nothing personal?"

"Tell me when I'm getting too personal and I'll stop."

"Fine. Stop."

I held my hands up. "Fair enough. So, any possible thoughts about the messages?"

"No," she sighed angrily. "I mean…gates to water…what _is_ that? Like a dam, reservoir?"

"Even with that little guess you've already got more than me," I joke. It made her laugh and I was refreshed to see her smiling. She moved to sit beside me, pressing her back against the headboard, and held the note between us. She was so close to me. This was the first time I've ever had a girl in my bed and had no plans to do anything with her. Clare was here to help me figure out the note, not to…do other things like other girls are usually here to do. It was strange. I usually had the urge to touch or kiss any girl who was this close to me while we were alone but with Clare, there were no expectations, no pressures, and that scared me even more.

"You said you got this at The Dot right?"

"Yup. It was in the menu I picked up. Like they knew I'd have that one."

"Did you pay attention to who was there?"

Shit. "No…I didn't. I practically ran out."

"Well next time, be more observant, especially if a message lands in your lap. I mean, it could be anyone. But chances are they're making sure you do get the message," Clare was thinking so analytically but spoke like it was the most obvious thing in the world and I put a hand to my forehead.

"I feel like an idiot not figuring that out on my own," I groan and sink further into my pillows.

"You were shocked, obviously your first thought wouldn't be to talk notes of everything around you," she reasoned. "Besides, this isn't exactly normal. Do your parents or anyone else know?"

"No. My parents don't need to know, no one else needs to know. Like I said, I feel like you're the only one who can actually help me."

"I feel like a detective," she smiles. "Except this is actually real."

"Unbelievable but entirely real. And I'm really thankful that you're helping me Clare. I would seriously be lost without you."

Clare was about to respond when my door opened quickly and in stepped Cece. "Oh," she squeaked and her eyes shifted between Clare and I. I rolled my eyes and laughed to myself, knowing Cece had walked in way more awkward moments as this one.

"I didn't know you were home Eli," Cece said and I saw that she had the laundry basket with her. "And with a girl."

"I'm Clare Edwards," Clare quickly got off the bed and stood in front of Cece, about to shake her hand. Cece looked at me and her face turned impressed, then shook Clare's hand.

"Nice to meet you Clare. Out of the many girls Eli brings around, you are the first to actually introduce yourself to me like this," Cece was so happy and impressed that I noticed her shaking Clare's hand too many times. Clare didn't look like she minded though, she was still smiling.

"Thank you for letting me into your house…even though Eli didn't tell you I'd be here. But thank you. We're working on something for school," Clare lied flawlessly and I couldn't believe it. Was it because she was such an honest person that no one would believe she was lying or has she just practiced it?

"I don't see books though," Cece pointed out, gazing over my bed. I, along with the notes turned upside down were the only things on my bed.

"We're brainstorming for an English paper," Clare replied. "We're in the same English class." Bringing truth into lies, nice move Edwards.

"Ah, well I will get out of your way then," Cece put the laundry basket beside my closet and made her way to leave until she stopped at the door. "Actually Eli, that Imogen girl called the house…3 times. I told her you were out since I hadn't realized you were home but she wanted me to tell you about a party at her house tonight. You'd think a girl would learn not to tell a classmate's parents about this kind of stuff," Cece shook her head and I heard Clare giggle as she sat back down beside me.

"Thanks Mom, I'll call her back," I told her and I wasn't sure if I was telling the truth or not.

"No problem. And Clare, it was nice meeting you. Would you like to stay for dinner?" Cece offered. Cece practically asked me with a look if it was okay and I nodded my head.

"That would be lovely Mrs. Goldsworthy, thank you," Clare was always effortlessly polite and I can't help but wonder if this was actually her. Could it be an act? It couldn't be though. For a long time, Adam has always said that Clare was a saint and this just proved it. So it couldn't be fake.

"Oh honey, it's Cece," she told Clare happily. "Don't make me feel old by bringing out the last name."

Clare smiled reassuringly and Cece finally left the room. I heard Clare sigh in relief and I laughed when I saw Clare look like she'd just gotten out of an intense job interview. "My mom loved you, don't worry," I told her. "Be happy, it's rare that Cece actually looks that happy when meeting someone I bring over."

"I just didn't want to make the wrong first impression," she said softly and I realize that she was actually stressed out about it.

"Clare, my mom lit up when you introduced yourself. After that, she already loved you. Why is it so important for you to make a good first impression?"

"Because that's all you get," she said. "One wrong thing and that's how people remember you."

Clare was twisting the ring on her finger, which I knew to be her purity ring, and wondered again. What happened in her past that would make her work so hard at making sure she made good impressions? How could she make any bad impressions? She's Clare Edwards.

"So…Imogen eh?" Clare changed the subject and I quickly remember that conversation with Imogen earlier, the one where she implied that she had a problem with Clare.

"Yeah, you know her?" I asked curiously.

"Barely," she said. "Of course the school talks and I've heard her name and I know who she is but I don't know her. I haven't even said a word to her."

I raised a brow. Imogen seemed to not like her but Clare said that they haven't spoken. So why did Imogen not like her?

"You said you were gonna call her," Clare pointed out. "I don't mind if you do it now."

"Okay," I said awkwardly and I dial Imogen's number. She happened to put it in my phone when she…well, she never told me when but I knew I hadn't asked her for it.

"Eli! You called!"

"Yeah…hi. My mom said you called my house," I scratched the back of my head and closed my eyes.

"I did. She said you were out. Where are you?"

"I'm home. She just didn't know I was."

"Oh."

I stayed silent for a bit waiting for her to speak but she didn't. "Well…why did you call?"

"Oh right! Well I'm having another party at my house tonight and I want you to come."

Demanding. "Uh…" I glanced at Clare, who was laying more comfortably on the bed still eyeing the note and her lips were moving slightly. "Do you mind if I bring someone with me?"

Clare shot her head over to me and started shaking her head no. "I have a guest over and it'd be rude of me to just head off without them so," Clare sat up and started to mouthe "No" and continued to shake her head but I kept waving her protesting hands away.

"Sure, bring him along!" Imogen said excitedly and I realized that she mistook the "guest" for a guy. "See you later!"

"I am not going to a party," Clare protested. "I don't do that kind of stuff."

"Come on, it's not even a wild party. Some drinking but everyone's usually tame. Some dancing and again, people are usually tame. You're not going to get drunk or hurt or lost or drugged or pregnant if you go to this party with me," I assured her, half joking, but she still didn't feel any better.

She fiddled with her thumbs and finally looked up. "You'll stay with me the entire time?"

"I won't leave your side unless you tell me to," I promised seriously.

"Fine," she finally sighed. "But if I end up with some kind of disease, I'm blaming you."

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><p>"It looks…"<p>

"Not bad?"

"Crowded."

"Yeah, you're lucky then. This is relatively roomy compared to others." We walked through Imogen's front door and maneuvered around the crowds of people. I could feel Clare practically pressed up against my right side and I knew it would've been uncomfortable for me to grab her hand or her waist so I just kept making sure she followed.

I felt her body getting pushed into me slightly and her hand went into mine tightly. I laughed and took it gently, and whispered, "Don't worry, I told you I won't let anything happen to you."

"It's just so crowded," she whined. "Can we go?"

"We just got here Clare. Okay fine," I walked over to relatively empty space in the kitchen and she let out a long breath. "Can we stay…an hour? Maybe after that you'll want to stay? Just try, okay? I know we're not good friends or anything but maybe this would be a good opportunity for you to see knew things or maybe realize more things you hate about parties but I don't want us to be just trying to figure out a mystery, I want to be your…friend."

I found myself struggling at friend and I didn't know why. I admit, I'm extremely intrigued by Clare Edwards but Adam's words rang clear. He had gotten hurt after having feelings for her and I don't know if I want to go down that road. But I knew I wanted to be around her. I don't know why I said I wanted things to be professional, because I don't.

"Things are getting personal," she sighed and closed her eyes.

"I know," I ran a hand through my hair. "Fine, maybe this was a bad idea. Let's go."

"Wait." She took my hand again and she pursed her lips to the side. "I want to be your friend too. I guess I'll try."

"So what do you want to do?" I asked louder. The music around us was turned up higher and I could feel the bass of the beat rattling the walls.

"What is there to do that's not illegal?" Clare asked in my ear.

I started laughing. "Well…I'd say dancing is the only thing." There's drinking, sometimes smoking pot, and people having sex usually at these parties. Clare would definitely not do any of that so dancing was the only thing left.

"What, no talking allowed?"

"Clare, no offense, but people don't go to parties to talk."

"But I don't dance either."

"It's not hard, it's not precise steps or anything." I started pulling her into the living room where the bigger crowd of some…interesting dancing was happening and I could feel Clare trying to pull me back.

"I can't do that," she said to me. "I'm not rhythmic or anything."

"Well neither am I. Maybe two negatives can be a positive?"

I placed my hands on her hips and started moving her body and mine to the music. It was definitely not close or sexual and I could feel Clare's tense arms leaning against mine as her hands had no idea what to do on my shoulders.

"Come on," I pulled her closer and her hands clasped around my neck. "Relax."

"Can't really relax when there's tons of people around me that I don't know and I'm dancing with a guy that just brought me into a real-life game of Who-Dunnit?" But Clare smiled after that sentence and I finally feel her arms relax.

I decided to twirl her around, to make sure she knew that this was only fun, and she had the biggest smile on her face as she spun. I pulled her closer again as a slower song came on and people were dispersing a bit but there was a big crowd around us. I played around again by taking a ballroom dancing stance, taking her left hand up to the side with my right and moved our feet swaying slightly.

"This is definitely different than what I imagined," Clare told me quietly.

"Why, what'd you think?"

"You know, that usual, gross, bodies pressed up against each other that a piece of paper couldn't pass through," she said. "Sure doesn't seem like it."

"Depends on who you're with," I teased in her ear. She turned her head and our noses brushed and from that tiny moment, I felt my face tingle. Her fingers wove through my hair slightly and the tingles now moved to my neck as well. I started to lean in out of instinct but Clare moved her head slightly just so her lips were out of my reach.

"Can we just keep dancing?" she asked without looking me in the eye.

"But of course," I answer trying not to sound disappointed. I dipped her back slightly and she squealed and I pulled her back up. She was laughing though and I was relieved.

"I don't do this," she looked me in the eye and said it seriously.

"What's this? Dance?"

"Well yes but…date. I don't date."

"I know," I replied. "You told me that."

"But this seems like a date…"

Oh…so it does. "So you're on a date," I sigh nonchalant. "Sure looks like you've broken that rule. How does it feel?"

"Good," she says after a moment. "It feels good."

"Now I wonder what rule I can get you to break next," I contemplate jokingly and earn a harsh tug to my hair. Normally that'd turn me on but the pain masked any sort of pleasure and I hissed. "Fine, no more rule breaking. But dating…not so scary?"

Clare leaned up to my ear and I tensed, feeling her lips against my ear. "Depends on who you're with."


	6. Chapter 5

**SURPRISE! Before this chapter I haven't updated this since September of last year. I'm terrible. But at least I'm back! I was inspired for this chapter so I just wrote it out before I had to do something.**

**P.S. I started this story when Imogen was still Eli's stalker so that's why she's like this in this story. Don't review and tell me that Imogen's doesn't act like this anymore. She doesn't but she used to. Also this is a story.**

**Tweet me at hereinyourarms_ and if Tumblr's more your thing then follow me at returntomemysunandstars.**

**Thanks for reading and please review!**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter Five - Need You Now (Lady Antebellum)<strong>_

It was nice having Clare in my arms. She was just a girl that didn't care if she looked silly as she danced with me, she didn't mind every time I dipped her back, she just squealed. Clare was a great person to be around at a party. She had fun without having to drink. It was kind of refreshing not having to drink at a party too. Usually I would've had my third cup of beer by now but I was having just as much fun without it.

I had Clare's back against my front and she was moving with me in a completely casual way. I think she's letting loose a bit without actually compromising her own composure. I leaned down to her ear to say, "Having fun?"

"Yes," she tilted her head to me smiling. "I never thought it'd be at a party like this."

"Glad your first time isn't completely terrible," I retorted smirking. I stayed leaning down to her, pulling her even closer, and I was glad when she didn't move to put more distance between us. She was pressed up right against me and I felt her heat. When I danced with a girl like this usually they'd waste no time grinding up on me.

"ELI!"

A high pitched voice made me turn my head and I saw Imogen walking toward me, cups in her hands. I stepped away from Clare which made her turn around too.

"You're here!" she shouted happily over the music. She engulfed me in a hug and I felt some liquid dampen the back of my shirt.

"Hey," I tried to say as happily as possible. "Thanks for inviting me."

"No problem!" she replied. I turned my head to Clare for a second and Imogen's expression turned a hell of a lot colder than what she looked like at the sight of me. "Clare Edwards."

"Hi Imogen," Clare said shyly, putting her hair behind her ear.

"Didn't recall inviting you," Imogen said coldly.

"She's my guest," I defended. "I told you earlier that I had someone over at my house. It was Clare. We were doing homework and she had dinner with my family and I couldn't just ditch her and you told me to bring her along."

"I didn't think you meant—" Imogen was practically glaring at Clare at this point but then she completely changed her tone and smiled. "Nevermind. Do you want some?" She held out one of the cups to me and I took it, realizing how thirsty I was after dancing with Clare. It tasted like a different kind of beer than the one from the last party but I drank half in one gulp.

"How about we dance?" she asked me.

"Umm…"

"Excuse me," Clare interrupted the conversation. "I'll just…go somewhere."

"No, wait—"

"Bye!" Imogen told her and she grabbed my hand, pulling me into the crowd. I lost sight of Clare amongst all of the people and didn't even realize that Imogen was already dancing against me until she grabbed my head to turn it to her.

It was obvious that she wasn't going to let me find Clare anytime soon so I danced with her. While her back was turned to me I downed the rest of the drink. I went to put my hands on her waist when she offered me the rest of her drink, saying she wasn't thirsty anymore. So as we danced, I drank.

The only time she would leave my side was to get me another refill and during that time of freedom I looked around for Clare. I was afraid she already left when I couldn't find her but she got a ride with me and I didn't think her house was anywhere close to here.

Imogen would come back with the new drink so because I was so worried about Clare, I just continued to drink. It made no sense but I did it anyways. With every drink I could feel myself getting a little more lightheaded until I had no idea what I was doing.

Once I finally became conscious again I was pressed up against a wall being sloppily kissed. Through my slightly blurred vision I could see that it was Imogen kissing me and I was in a room that could only be described as her's.

It was if I was outside of my body looking at myself doing something I didn't think I would be. I had no feelings for Imogen whatsoever but I was responding to her. My hands were all over her back and kissed her mercilessly. Imogen went to my neck and the feeling of pleasure I had finally made me wake up and stop.

"Wait," I manage to say. I gently pushed Imogen away and ran my hands over my face, trying to get my vision more clear.

"Why, we were having fun," she whined, moving closer again. Despite me pushing her away she managed to get her arms around my neck and she pushed against my slight arousal. "Come on Eli, I've wanted this since I saw you."

"I'm drunk," I tell her. "And you sound desperate."

I was aware how rude that sounded but I was someone who said exactly how I felt when I'm drunk. This was not an exception to that.

"I'm drunk too so we're even," she says to me. "I won't tell."

"No," I tell her forcefully. I walk over to her bed and sit down before the dizziness made me fall to the floor.

"Fine," she pouts. "You can stay here so you don't have to drive home. You can leave early tomorrow to get ready for school."

I lay down in her bed without another word, feeling my shoes being taken off of me right before I doze off to sleep.

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><p>I walk into Ms. Dawes classroom with a pounding hangover and undoubtedly smelling despite the fact that I managed to get home to change. This morning I was completely confused where I had woken up but Imogen was laying beside me while I slept on top of her comforter. The only thing I had off was my shoes so I was completely relieved to know that I hadn't slept with her. I slipped out of the room before she woke up.<p>

Now, a few periods into the day, my hangover was just getting worse. I needed some Tylenol or something, or at least more sleep. But I wasn't going to get either any time soon. I slowly walk to my desk only to make my terrible condition a lot worse than it already was.

Because Clare Edwards was already sitting in her seat, reading a book. And I completely forgot about her last night. Between dancing with Imogen and downing drinks to when I was in Imogen's room, Clare completely slipped from my mind. She obviously got home safely but that didn't mean I was forgiven of anything.

"Clare," I said slowly, taking my normal seat in front of her.

She looked up from her book and then looked back down. Shit. "Clare, I'm so sorry. I just—"

"Disappeared on me," she finished for me, still not looking me in the eye.

"I couldn't find you and—"

"So it's my fault?"

"No!" I said a little too loudly. "I was drunk and I just completely forgot. I'm sorry."

"You know, I had to walk home," she finally sets her book down and the look in her eyes is enough to make me feel as if she was trying to kill me with her eyes. "I waited for you for hours and then Imogen starts kicking everyone out. She told me that you were sleeping in her bed and told me to leave. So I walked home."

"Shit, Clare, please I'm—"

"Save it, whatever 'deal' we had before, we're stopping that," she tells me with a serious voice. She went back to reading her book and I turned in my seat, putting my pounding head in my hands.

Last night made me realize how much I liked being with Clare. We agreed that she'd help me decipher all of the weird stuff I was getting and that didn't even matter anymore. I managed to ruin both figuring out that mystery AND being Clare's friend in a matter of…one day.

I think I slept the entire English class because I woke up to an empty classroom and Adam hitting my head, making the feeling worse. "Get up, the bell rang," he said to me almost coldly. Shit, Clare must've told him.

I did get up though and like a zombie walked towards my next class. I just slept during the rest of my classes and only woke up to go to my next sleeping place. When the day finally ended I was practically running to my car to leave. I started up Morty and got ready to speed out of the parking lot when I slammed on my brake.

Clare was standing right in front of my car, arms crossed over her chest.

I rolled down my window and yelled, "What the hell Clare?! I could've run over you!" I didn't mean to sound that harsh but I almost ran her over. I couldn't exactly keep calm at that moment.

She started storming towards me, even angrier than how she looked in English. Once she got to the car she opened my car door. "Get out," she demanded. Despite being slightly turned on at this completely different side of Clare, I was confused.

"Why?"

"Because I don't trust you to drive yourself home without something going horribly wrong."

I scoffed. "I got here this morning didn't I?"

"By some luck," she glared. "Now move over."

"Clare, come on—"

"No. I'm not taking any chances. If later on today I hear that some idiot crashed his hearse on his way home then…well, I won't have to if you just let me drive you home."

Even when Clare's pissed at me, she wants to help me. I didn't understand that at all. But this was _Clare._ Even Adam who's heart was broken by Clare said that she didn't have a bad bone in her body. So she could've just let me drive off and I'm sure I would've been fine but she didn't want to risk it. She didn't want to risk _my life_.

So I scooted over the seat and Clare climbed into the driver's side. It was weird sitting in the passenger seat but as Clare started to drive to the direction of my house, I could actually just rest. Before I knew it, Clare was parked in my driveway and she was handing me my keys.

"I'm sure you could make it to your door by yourself," she said stoically. Clare left the car before I could even take a hold of the handle.

"Wait!" I called after her, practically falling out of the car. "Clare!"

She was already halfway down the street when I finally made it to the sidewalk and I had no choice but to run after her. With my head still pounding and my body feeling extremely weighted down, it was a hard feat. "Clare!"I continued to shout as I ran. But my body was just too tired to get to her halfway. I stopped, put my hands to my knees and panted in exhaustion. I should really stop drinking or at least stop drinking that much.

I saw some brown shoes appear under my gaze and without standing up fully I turned my head up. Clare had a concerned look on her face. She helped me stand up straight and ended up helping me to my house. I decided not to say anything so I wouldn't make her angrier.

Once we were in my house she helped me to my bed. I let out a sound of relief, finally being comfortably horizontal. I noticed Clare putting aside my backpack and then went to leave.

"Sleep. Try not to do anything stupid between now and tomorrow. See you at school."

Clare left my room and I listened to her steps until I could hear the front door close. Once it was, I turned onto my back to look up at the ceiling. Clare was sending completely mixed signals. Did she hate me? Did she forgive me? Was there any chance of starting over? Would she ever think of me like I thought of her? Which was, ever since she caught me skipping, all the time now.

But I pretty much ruined any chance of earning her trust with me dragging her to the party and then leaving her for Imogen. But I would try to build that trust again, just as long as she still wanted to talk to me. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't after today. I don't think showing up hung over, sleeping in class, and almost running her over all in one school day helped my situation at all.


End file.
